New post Lights, Camera, Yo Joe!
By: R.A. Rayne
Here we go again! Do we really need another live-action film? We all know what happened with the other films. Unfortunately, Hollywood studio executives usually don’t listen to fans.
In March, it was announced that Paramount had rejected a treatment by writer Max Landis and that Danny McBride is developing a script for a new G.I. Joe film.
Yes, I did say Danny McBride, the same Danny McBride who has played wild and unusual roles in Hot Rod, Tropic Thunder, and Pineapple Express. Okay, before you start yelling online, let’s not forget that McBride is also the writer, creator, and star of HBO’s The Righteous, Gemstones, Vice Principals, and Eastbound & Down. Most of McBride’s scripts are dark comedies that focus on reckless, flawed characters, with sharp humor and improv-style dialogue, or, in the horror genre, like Blumhouse Productions’ Halloween trilogy (2018–2022) and The Exorcist: Believer (2023). But remember, he has been nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award and four Satellite Awards.
But what does Danny McBride know about G.I. Joe?
Great question! One only he can answer, but let’s look at the facts. Danny is 49 as of this article. The G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero comic book series, published by Marvel Comics, started in June 1982, and the cartoon began airing on September 12, 1983. At that time, Danny was 6. That might be a little young to start reading the comic and watching the cartoon, but it’s not impossible, and chances are he likely started reading, watching, and playing with G.I. Joe before the brand went quiet in 1994.
So, it’s a safe bet that McBride is a fan of at least part of the brand. Put a check in the Positive column. While we’re at it, let’s put a check in both the Positive and Negative columns for his writing style. Yes, it’s funny, which G.I. Joe should have some of. Yes, it’s dark, which fits Cobra. But it can be quite wild at times, which is not what we need for a good G.I. Joe movie.
What makes a good G.I. Joe movie, you ask? Great question, thanks for asking!
This past Monday evening, I sat down with Destro is My Spirit Animal and Destro Designs to discuss this very topic. If you weren’t there or haven’t seen it, you should really go check it out on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/live/41Qbxh8n23 … 3wChjuQY-F
It was such an engaging conversation for us and the audience that we didn’t have enough time to really get into the finer details, but I felt it was an important enough topic that I needed to write this article.
Before I get into that, let me say I am no expert, but I have grown up with G.I. Joe since 1982. I have read nearly every comic book, watched nearly every cartoon, seen nearly every movie, and played with nearly every toy, even before Joe was shrunk to 3.75 inches. I have also spent the last 4 years researching and writing my own G.I. Joe novel, so while I may not be an expert, I do know a thing or two, and from what I hear, that is half the battle.
Ok, so let’s ask the question again. What is needed to make a good G.I. Joe movie?
First, you need someone who loves and respects the IP, but isn’t so obsessed with it that they get in their own way. What I mean is sometimes, as fans, we get so caught up in our love of the product that we think if A, B, and C aren’t in the film, then it’s bad. A great example is Star Wars. Fans love, and I mean LOVE, Timothy Zahn’s Heir to the Empire trilogy. They, we (yes, I’m included) wanted this to be the Sequel Trilogy.
BUT here’s the thing. While those books are very well written, the story is amazing, and it gave us probably one of the best new characters, Mara Jade, the story wouldn’t have worked after the prequels came out. Too much had changed. For example, the Empire wasn’t in power as long as it was in the novels. George had different ideas about the Force and what it was, and the Clone Wars had changed, just to name a few.
I know, “What does this have to do with G.I. Joe?” A LOT.
Because fans were, and still are, so in love with Heir to the Empire, nothing else can compare. It happens. This isn’t just with Star Wars. We see it with Marvel, DC, Game of Thrones, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and One Piece (ok, One Piece is a bad example. That live-action show is AMAZING!). My point is that it’s almost impossible to please all of us fans, and no matter what you do, you won’t make everyone happy.
When a Hollywood studio decides to make a project like G.I. Joe, it’s not for the fans. They’re doing it to make money, plain and simple. And let’s be honest, with IPs like G.I. Joe, yes, the “studio” can be pushy about what they think an audience will want *cough* Green Lantern, but usually that doesn’t happen until production is underway and they’ve started watching the daily footage. When it comes to the initial idea and the script, with almost all projects (I say almost because there are some exceptions, like Steven Spielberg, James Cameron, or JJ Abrams), the rights owner of the IP has an idea of what they want, and they go out pitching it to writers they think can deliver their idea. This happens with films, TV shows, books, and comics. It’s frustrating, but that’s how it works. We all know there are some fan projects that are WAY better but will never be released, make any money, or ever be noticed by the company or person who owns the property.
With all that being said, if I were ever given the opportunity to write a G.I. Joe film. My film would be a take on my novel Protocol: G.I. Joe. Yes, I know this is self-serving, but hey, I wrote the book as if it were a film, so it works.
For the past 15 years, the world has experienced wars across the globe. The United States is stretched thin after providing aid in the wars in Russia and Ukraine, Israel and Hamas, Israel and Iran, Pakistan and India, African nations defending their lands from warlords, and South American countries fighting cartels.
These wars have left most of the world’s military forces undermanned and running out of arms. MARS Industries, the world’s leading private developer of weapons technology, is now filling the void left by the depletion of the United States’ munitions, while a prominent private military company funded by Extensive Enterprises is helping to police these war-torn countries.
With tensions high in the United States due to rising living costs, fuel prices, and a lack of faith in the government, people began taking to the streets in protest. An extremist biker gang known as the Dreadnoks has added to the fire by agitating crowds, causing civil unrest, and creating mass panic, leaving the National Guard overwhelmed and the United States government with no choice but to hire Extensive Enterprise’s military police force to help regain control of the public.
Seeing the underlying terror threat posed by allowing Extensive Enterprise to have so much control over the country, General Abernathy (General Hawk) calls a meeting of the Joint Chiefs to initiate the counter-terrorist protocol G.I. Joe to counter Extensive Enterprise’s police force before it gains total control of the United States.
The war for the country’s, world’s, very soul is at stake as a band of international heroes comes together to stop Extensive Enterprise from achieving their true plan to take over through Conversion Orchestrated by Blackmail, Revolution, and Anarchy.
It would have the Joes feel and act like a real military unit, while Cobra would have the tech, weapons, and camp we have come to love from the cartoons, comics, and toys. My movie would be Inglourious Basterds meets The Siege, with a little G.I. Joe: Renegades thrown in.
What would your G.I. Joe movie be?
