The Moment G.I. Joe: The Movie Became Legendary

Story Destro Designs / Viper Den Studios Part 2

After the beautiful chaos that is the entrance song, the movie starts off with incredible theme music swaying as we see the circle of life in full display as a bee is eaten by a jumping catfish, which is in turn eaten by a croc. Probably Fiona.
As her predator eyes scan the water top, we get the dopest, most awesomely angled shot of a STUN cutting through the reeds and into the shallow water. The cadre of STUNS cuts across the waterway,. lights fading away into the distance, as a stark white, organic periscope breaks the still water.

This fades into one of my favorite shots, a terrordrome in all its glory, glittering with operation. The shot cuts to the center roof dome opening in that unique pie style, slivers of metal that form a Cobra symbol begin to retract.

The Iconic Trouble Bubbles with search lights cutting the night, rise and begin their exterior search pattern. The shot pans across the surface of the Terrordrome, highlighting its size and dominance, as the Bubbles crIss cross the screen, lights slicing the dark like knives, and roll across the incoming STUNS from their patrol.

The way these search parties overlap is pure cinematic brilliance. Ill never forget the way the hair on my neck would stand on end by the time I got to this point of the movie. The anticipation of what came next was throttling my young mind.

We close in on the glorious terrdrome as some of my favorite music continues to play. The trombone slowly rolls the anticipation as the shots continue to go further into this fortress and towards a center containing Cobra’s upper most echelon of their leadership.

Serpentor, that insufferable prick, begins to roast Cobra Commander and the others with yelling, “BLUNDERERS……FOOLS”
Serpentor seemed to broadstroke the failures across the board until Snake Mouth Cobra Cpmmander opens his fangs and tries to turn the tables and push the reason for such catastrophic results back into Serpentor’s scaley lap.

It brings murmurs and whispers amongst the crowd….sticking out in the middle, you can hear doctor Mindbender say while clutching his pearls, THATS TREASON!”

Backlit by a red glow, Serpentor uses his air chariot like a mounted police officer to drive Cobra Commander back off of his throne steps. Resorting to his gaslighting, the Commander paints himself as the scapegoat and counts on his brothers to back him up. But the boys and girls of Cobra are no longer drinking his Jim Jones Kool-Aid.

Destro throws him so far under the bus, he almost rolls out of the other side by saying, “Militarily speaking, it’s only fair to say that Cobra Commander is a world class buffoon”

Now, as a man who has always wanted Destro to be in charge, i will have to say that I was never more vindicated and happy that he was FINALLY saying what we were all thinking. The Commander is an idiot. Like a dude watching his friend stand up to a toxic girlfriend, I howled in agreeance with Destro.

Undeterred, The Commander insists that his crew has his back and tries to toss out a hail Mary that Serpentor won’t let any one else speak.

“WRONG AGAIN” Serpentor barks as Dr. Mindbender steps up to the plate and hits a walk off Grand Slam by reminding everyone that Destro neglected to mention The Commander’s “frequent acts of cowardice”

I was levatating at this point.

Now say what you will about Cobra-La, you have to admit that this beginning part with the Pythona’s infiltration scene is amazing.

Right off the bat when she steps out of that fleshy looking blob and starts using the most insane set of gadgetry to gain access to the Cobra Compound.

Cut back to the crew just TEARING into The Commander leading to him being called “Cobras Curse”

“LIES LIES LIES” he screams as we fade back to Pyhtona and the tempo kicks up as she races across the grounds, avoiding detection and sneaking up on Troopers like theyre her little nephews.

The Iconic Tele-Vipers sound the alarm and one of my favorite shots rolls in, the Crimson Guard grabbing their rifles like falling dominoes, as Pythona comes though the melted ceiling like a Xenomorph and proceeds to wash 4 of Cobras elite troopers like a bad bitch does, using all the organic weaponry at her disposal.

When she finally reveals herself I damn near spontaneously combusted when it was a lady. Straight Up had no clue and I was floored.

Serpentors mind goes through the dream rolodex as he feels like he knows this crazy broad. She fills him in about his destiny, which depsite being a raving narcissis, he accepts as truth from this stranger……

Up to this point in the movie, its a good as anything ive ever seen. The rest is debatable, but up this point, this is pure Cinema.