NOW YOU KNOW WITH YORKTOWNJOE – G.I.JOE MARVEL ISSUE #60 REVIEWED!

Background

Issue 59 was a different one, with some unusual new characters. Feel free to check out the review of Issue 59 in case you missed it. (You can catch up on other “Now You Know With YorktownJoe” reviews there as well!)

The cover of this issue has a new pirate clad character, a giant surfing wave, and General Hawk wearing his traditional beach swim-wear: a leather bomber jacket with camo pants.

On to the issue

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This issue begins with a non-descript green beret wearing soldier in a a fairly plain green military jeep. A more colorful Military Police officer with a dog is providing security at the exterior airport entry. They are searching for a target, so this could be a problem for someone. Could they be a hit team disguised as airport auxiliary security?

They kidnap Hawk in his dress green uniform from the airport. He is rather chagrined that he has been taken hostage. Bitter irony for this to happen to the commander of an elite anti-terrorism strike force.

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Meanwhile, the Dreadnoks arrive at their secret gas station hideout with Zarana.

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The Dreadnoks are thirsty, and so are their motorcycles. But there is a problem. The pumps seem to be dry. There is a hose down to the water, and someone is siphoning the pumps dry.

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It’s a new charcater dressed like a pirate named Zanzibar, along with Monkey-Wrench, a biker who rode with the Dreadnoks back in Australia.

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The crew who took Hawk hostage are driving him around Broca Beach in the military jeep.

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When they pull in, they are introduced to a giant or a handsome man addicted to steroids dressed in cabana wear. His arms appear to be as wide as Hawk’s head, and the floral print of his Hawaiian shirt is a tip-off he does not appear to be traditional military.

The new character is named Chuckles, and his associates are Lt. Falcon, Law & Order, and Fast-Draw. Fast-Draw appears ready to launch a missile at any moment, despite the fact that they are indoors. He still has his mask firmly in place. Like his action figure, he is always ready for a fight. Not as much for obeying the “At-Ease” type command.

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Falcon mentions they all believed they were part of the G.I.Joe team, but had recently discovered some questionable things going on.

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Hawk banters back and forth with them, and they lead him to the Grand Ballroom of the abandoned hotel in the next room over.

Housing a giant missile system.

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A gigantic rocket missile system capable of firing at another continent. They continue to explain they thought they were Joe’s tasked with guarding the missile, but finally discovered it was a ruse, and they were each being played.

Meanwhile, at the Pentagon…

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A greasy politician and an unsavory General seem to be scheming or concerned someone else is on to one of their schemes. Somehow they already had surveillance photos processed and developed showing the abduction at the airport. It is amazing seeing some of the earlier page of this very comic shrunk down to scale 8×10″ glossy photos being exchanged between the two creeps.

Back in the 80’s, film development took at least a few days. We are spoiled today with cell phone cameras and instant access to process and share data. Today, the greasy politician could send those pictures on a burner smart phone and then deposit it in a gas station garbage can and only be out $35. It might not even trace back to him.

Back at Broca Beach…

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In something that would be more likely in the cartoon than the comic book, a strange looking granny lady bumbles into the secret area with the missile, the controls, and mentions she is trying to find the casino or some such nonsense.

It’s really Zarana. Not sure why she had to go and stumble in there if she already knew they were there. Literally, there was zero reason for her to appear, other than to draw the future panels into an impromptu chase and battle scene.

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Evidently, she suspected they were Joes just an surveillance, and stumbled in to see what they were up to. She was surprised to see a missile that she over-heard them say was pointed at Cobra Island.

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A chase and all kinds of shooting breaks out, and the hotel separates apart and the missile slides out on a tank tread launch platform. Someone initiated a remote control to transform the building, and re-position the launch gantry and missile platform.

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All kinds of shooting are going on and Zanzibar launches out of the water in some kind of airborne skiff mini-jet propelled something or other. So this is kind of what we saw on the cover. So bonus points for truth in cover advertising.

Buzzer is sent off to warn Cobra about the missile system

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This panel is very, very sad to me. If you know why, please pause and take a moment to pray or reflect on those we lost. If you don’t see it, zoom in a bit.

Buzzer complains that the people in traffic should be put in retirement homes and wheel-chairs. A very novel and inclusive thought from a derelict biker with a poor diet, and even worse hygiene.

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There is shooting for a page, then it breaks down into fisticuffs, and Chuckles seems to be cleaning house.

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Buzzer speeds past a police officer and tells him to send his speeding ticket to his parents since they raised him so poorly. Even in the 80’s people were blaming others for their poor behavior.

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Buzzer makes a break for the Cobra Consulate building to warn Cobra of the impending missile launch against Cobra Island. I probably missed the part where they couldn’t phone that in directly. I think there was some type of jamming going on.

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The missile is launched! Through the miracle of Marvel being marvelous, no one was incinerated at the scene.

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Just then Buzzer returns with a Cobra transport helicopter to shoot down the missile. Because of course they do.

We’ll have to set aside that a helicopter travelling between 150 and 300 MPH cannot possibly interdict a rocket headed for a low Earth orbit (with a future re-entry that would doom Cobra Island). A rocket that would have been going between 10,000 to 15,000 MPH. Even if it was not an ICBM, a lower to mid range missile would be travelling at the very least 3,000 MPH, which is 10 times faster than the fastest helicopter today, the Eurocopter X-3, which tops out at 267 MPH. A Cobra transport is cool. But a Eurocopter X-3, it is not.

*sigh*

Chuckles is down, but not out.

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Hawk congratulates them, and welcomes them as actual Joes. But Chuckles has something he needs to do first.

He heads to the Pentagon to confront the two sleazeballs.

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When he reaches into his white Don Johnson/Miami Vice 3/4 sleeve suit coat, they believe he is about to retrieve his pistol and shoot them dead. But he pulls out a pen and instructs them to use it to sign their resignation papers before storming out in a huff.

And there the issue ends, without any further flurry. This is another issue that leaves abruptly, without a tease for the next issue, or even a Postbox: The Pit letters page.

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Issue 60 seemed to be a bit of a standalone issue to introduce 4 new Joes, and a couple new Dreadnoks.

I always thought of Chuckles as non-descript. Someone who looks like a vacationer, instead of giant imposing man who might don a mask and work as a professional wrestler in his spare time. But the cartoon, and this comic both illustrated him as a giant.

Lt. Falcon is a cool professional here. Somebody who figured out a complex covert op, and initiated his own mission to bring it to General Hawk’s attention, so action could be taken. I always like Falcon in the comic. And his action figure is top notch.

Hope you enjoyed this review!

Tune in soon for Issue 61. Although the comic gave no tease, issue 61 is the beginning of a long arc dealing with a fictional country of Borovia. A sordid, dark and tragic place.

Now You Know – a little more about:”CROSS PURPOSES” Feel free to let me know what you thought of this issue in the comments or on Twitter or Instagram @yorktownjoe.

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