Get the skinny on ‘San Andreas’!

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Has The Rock left the room?

OK good.

***spoilers****

I knew going in it was not going to be Shakespeare, but the implausibility, laugh-ability and just plain ridiculousness of this movie went on for a good hour and 54 minutes.

Here we have a rescue pilot who, in the face of an emergency, takes his chopper and goes after his soon to be divorced wife to rescue her you can already guess how that will play out.

In fact this entire movie is highly predictable. What do you think would happen if a search and rescue pilot stole his chopper to go rescue his own family while thousands are dying below him as he zooms off to the rescue? You have the new boyfriend of the wife who turns out to be a coward, shocker huh?

The family is split up and it is up to good old Ray to find his family.
You don’t want to be the ex of the boyfriend meeting his new roommate either, of course she has a right to be pissed since she lost the richest man in San Francisco… watch that first step dear.

You have the guy who just happens to meet the daughter of Ray while on an interview in the wife’s boyfriend’s building. Guess what? he brought his kid brother to the interview, how cute.

Poor Paul Giamatti, he is stuck as the brilliant scientist who can predict earthquakes. It just happens that he is getting interviewed by a hot reporter at Cal Tech when all this happens after Hoover dam collapses. You don’t see too much of him though.

Speaking of the ladies, there are more cameras diving into cleavage than you can imagine. When you get to the underwater scene you can practically hear the guy in front of you salivating because he knows there is a cleavage shot coming up.

Oh, and there is an earthquake in this, but then you have, another earthquake in LA, then one in San Francisco, aftershocks, cars crushing, chopper crashing, buildings falling, looting, stealing a stolen truck from a looter, almost falling into the fault line, stealing a regular plane, bailing out over AT&T stadium so we can see Emma’s cleavage as she parachutes tandem with Ray, a tsunami, a huge cargo boat flipping into the Golden Gate Bridge killing poor Daniel, the rich boyfriend guy, who gets crushed by a cargo container. I wonder if he got that pointless voice mail left by his now ex saying if he isn’t dead already she is going to ****ing kill him for leaving her daughter alone in that limo. Did I mention that he is pointed out to be a coward not once but at least three times?

It is one bad murphy’s law situation after another. If it can happen of course it will.

*spoiler*
When Blake drowns, she is miraculously revived after what must be at least five minutes. This is very important because Ray was unable to save his other daughter from dying and now he has his shot at redemption. Spit up that dirty earthquake water Blake. It tastes as bad as the taste left in my mouth after seeing this dreck.

Let us know what you thought of the film after the JUMP!

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