The Snow Serpent and Its 3¾ Supremacy
By Destro Designs – Viper Den Studios
As I talked about in my article a week or so ago, I rank my favorite 3¾-inch G.I. Joe figures a bit differently than everyone else. In fact, I have three different lists that cover my favorites:
- Those I had.
- Those I didn’t have.
- Both lists combined.
One of the most interesting things about these lists is that I was absolutely obsessed with a figure I didn’t actually get until I was 10 years old. It was a fascination from a distance.
I started collecting G.I. Joe figures when I was four years old, and by the time I turned seven and 1986 rolled around, nothing else existed but G.I. Joe.
It was a rising tide that never really reached its crescendo because, at the ripe old age of 47, I’m still becoming increasingly obsessed. Thank you, Classified. I appreciate you! My wallet doesn’t exactly share that sentiment, but oh well.
Sliding back to 1985, one particular figure debuted that completely stole the show because I simply couldn’t find one anywhere. Obviously, the 1985 lineup is absolutely loaded when it comes to iconic characters, but this figure stood above the rest. I couldn’t stop staring at his picture on the backs of the cardbacks that came with the other Joes I was buying. I’d spend ridiculous amounts of time just looking at that tiny illustration.
The Snow Serpent.
Like most figures that completely captured my imagination, it all started with the card art. And, holy hell, the Snow Serpent card art is arguably the greatest G.I. Joe card art of all time. I’m sure most of you can guess a few of the others that are up there. Ahem… Shockwave.
But the Snow Serpent has so much happening in that artwork, and he looks unbelievably badass.
The first thing that grabbed my attention—just like it does with so many great figures—was that incredible mask. It looked completely different from anything else in the line. The goggles built into the helmet came before the Viper ever showed up the following year. The eyes, the ventilation slats, and the way the massive fur collar frames the helmet all come together perfectly. As a kid who spent winters playing in the snow, I wanted that outfit for sledding more than anything.
Then there’s the gigantic backpack loaded with pouches. My imagination immediately filled every one of them with gear and equipment. To me, that blue pouch on the front was a parachute. I imagined him dropping into a blizzard behind enemy lines, leading an avalanche of Snow Serpents crashing down on the Joes.
The colors of the figure are absolutely perfect. The white and blue camouflage screams arctic warfare while still looking incredibly menacing. It manages to be both realistic and comic-book cool at the same time. I absolutely loved it.
Two things—both criminal omissions in my opinion—were left out of the Classified version: the AK-47 and the self-launching mortar shell.
If you’ve ever heard me talk about G.I. Joe, you’ve probably heard me say my biggest gripe with Hasbro is that the Retro Carded Classified Snow Serpent not only omitted those two signature accessories, but they also altered the original card art. To me, it reminds me of those people who tried to “restore” Leonardo da Vinci’s masterpiece, The Last Supper, only to make it worse. That’s exactly how I feel every time I look at the altered Snow Serpent card.
Thankfully, the original 3¾-inch figure has everything.
The complete package is simply glorious.
Eventually, I managed to build a squad of five Snow Serpents, and one of my favorite childhood displays was having all five of them hunting Blizzard across a snowy battlefield—even if I was setting it up in the middle of August.
Sometimes I look at this figure and honestly wonder…
Is this the GOAT?
Now, it’ll probably never surpass Snake Eyes Version 2 or Destro in my personal rankings, but it’s incredibly close. The only reason it doesn’t constantly come up in my “greatest ever” conversations is because I didn’t own it during the absolute peak of my childhood G.I. Joe obsession.
Maybe it’s time to change that.
I’ve mentioned on several podcasts recently that I honestly believe the Snow Serpent may be the single greatest 3¾-inch action figure ever produced—not just in G.I. Joe, but in any toy line.
All hail the Snow Serpent and his 3¾ supremacy!
Finally, I’d like to give a quick shout-out to everyone who not only reads these articles but also reached out this week while I was busy dealing with water damage at Viper Den Studios.
Your kindness and support meant a great deal to me.
Thank you all so very much.
