Iron Grenadier Destro and the Despoiler: How It Got Into My Hands on Vacation in 1988

By Destro Designs – Viper Den Studios

One of the crazy parts of G.I. Joe collecting as a kid in the ’80s was that you were largely clueless as to what you were getting and when.

I shopped almost exclusively at Kay Bee Toys, but I would also hit up places like Toys “R” Us, Caldor, Kmart, and the CVS down the block from my house.

CVS was wicked overpriced, but if I copped a few bucks from doing chores or yard work for neighbors, I wouldn’t have to ask my mom or dad to take me somewhere in the car. I could just walk down there myself. Another wicked benefit of the ’80s.

Of course, we had catalogs, Sunday flyers, and card backs from the Joes themselves, but all of this still added up to largely having no real idea what was coming and when.

We had the beauty of walking into a store and feeling that overwhelming hum through my whole body that made the hairs on my arms stand on end as I wove through the aisles, dodging other shoppers and store clerks. Eyes peeled, looking down the row of toys to the spot I knew held the Joes and their vehicles.

But again, all this came from the uncertainty of what was going on with releases, especially when it came to new things, like special groups within G.I. Joe.

My world of G.I. Joe revolved around the cartoon, so oftentimes, I would get a figure before it popped up in the cartoon. Especially with figures from 1986 and on, because of Season 2 and its Sunbow end, and the fact that I mercifully knew nothing of the abomination that is the DIC cartoon until I was an adult who could ignore the atrocities taking place in every episode.

But I digress.

In 1988, I went on a trip to Myrtle Beach, North Carolina, with my mom, my sister, and my aunt. We drove down from Upstate New York while my aunt flew her way there.

My sister and I were made aware that there were untold fortunes awaiting us if, when we arrived at the hotel from the trip down, my mother gave my aunt a report that the two of us had behaved and had not fought with each other in the car. Nothing will whip a kid into behaving like cold, hard cash. Especially me, being in a frenzy for G.I. Joes.

After a few days, I had spent some money in a few stores and found a place that had two pegs of G.I. Joes. Toxo-Viper and Spearhead with Max were the two I didn’t already have, and I was ecstatic to get them. I had seen them on the card back and was waiting to pick them up, and here they were!

But another two days went by, and after finding no more Joes, I spent my money on handcuffs, a cap gun with a cap grenade, and a bunch of lemon slushy things at the pool of our hotel, which was on the beach.

Then, on my second-to-last day, we were looking for a place to eat, and there was this oversized pharmacy in town off the beach strip that was selling beach toys. We went in to get a ball to throw around on the beach. I had launched my football into the ocean because I thought it was going to come back.

It didn’t. 😂

My mom grabbed a new football, a foam one that floated, and a wakeboard. Excited and happy, I was standing in line looking around, unable to stand still, as I’ve been my whole life.

And that’s when I saw it.

I had combed the toy aisle for Joes, and there was nothing. But on this island display across from the aisle we were standing in, I spotted Iron Grenadier Destro with the Despoiler.

I didn’t know anything about the Iron Grenadiers. I didn’t know anything about a gold-headed Destro. I didn’t know anything about a Despoiler.

I felt my feet lift just above the ground as I levitated toward the display like a possessed person from a horror movie. As my body glided across the fake tile floor, my blood was pumping so hard that I could hear it flowing in my ears and brain.

I was thinking at the speed of light as I tried to process what I was seeing. I was always like that as well.

It was definitely a real Joe toy.

It was definitely a real Destro.

It was definitely a real and awesome vehicle I had never seen before.

I snatched this thing up so fast you’d think it was water and I had been walking through the desert for days. Gripping it like a sack of $100 bills, I spun and raced toward my mom, who was about to check out.

I approached her talking a million miles a minute, spitting out reasons why I needed this like a person trying to get pardoned from death row.

The long and short of it was that I was convincing her that I had never seen this before, that it was an “exclusive,” and that it wasn’t going to be available in New York, ever.

It was, a month later.

I was pleading with my mom, begging her that I would do anything, including getting along with my sister on the way home. I mean, “How would I have time to fight and argue if I was busy playing with this amazing Destro and Despoiler?” I howled, as the onlookers began to gather.

I was melting down. She was going to say no. I could feel it. She had been spending money this whole time, and I knew it was going to be no. If I left the store without it, I would never be back, and this was the end of me as I knew it. I couldn’t accept that, so I talked louder and faster.

But she was actually saying, “Okay,” the whole time. I just couldn’t hear her over the sound of my lunatic rant.

Yes. I’ve always been like this.

Always.

I walked out of that store feeling like a king. My favorite figure and character had a whole new look and came with a vehicle that was just unbelievably awesome. Inside was a leaflet that told me about the rest of the Iron Grenadiers, and I was blown away. Also, there was a separate leaflet that mentioned Tiger Force and Night Force.

I was once again levitating, now on the beach.

On the ride home to New York, I was as silent as a church mouse as I stared at those leaflets, the box, and the Iron Grenadier Destro.

I held the Despoiler up to the window and imagined it flying alongside the car. Destro, turning his head and yelling to me, “Michael, join me and the rest of the Iron Grenadiers to finally take down the Joes and be free from that retreating, egotistical peacock, Cobra Commander.”

So, without the internet, I was able to have the surprise of a lifetime and a memory that is as vivid as the day it happened. I’ve thanked my mom a thousand times and have always told her how much I appreciate those Joes she always bought, and that I knew she didn’t have the money for them a lot of times, but she worked hard and always made it happen.

And even now, when I talk about the podcasts and the wonderful community we have that revolve around the Joes, I know that her buying me these things is still making me smile 40 years later.

Shout out to Mom and Dad.