1986 Part VII Surveillance Port: Poor Kid’s Terrordrome

By Destro Designs & Viper Den Studios

The first time I rolled up on a G.I. Joe Cobra Surveillance Port, it was at a garage sale in a neighborhood with fancy houses. My mom has always been thrifty, and in the ’80s, before the internet and sites like eBay, you could always talk a price down. Without the data of what an item was selling for elsewhere, people would just go off what they paid and then depreciate the value. It was a win-win for the buyer.

So when I saw this Surveillance Port, in the box for $2.50, I grabbed it up like it was a burlap sack of gold doubloons from a shipwreck off the coast of Madagascar.

The picture on the box showed a Cobra base with a B.A.T. and a Viper manning the weapons. I think I blurted out, “HOLY SHIT,” when I realized what I was holding. The lady on the other side of the table snickered, and my mom hollered, “MICHAEL!” as the lady’s husband gave me a high five. Apparently, the couple’s son had aged out of all toys at the beginning of 1986, so I had just found my Spanish ship that busted up on the rocks, offering me straight gold. Ultimately, I traded some lawn mowing and fence painting for the kid’s whole G.I. Joe lot. He was more of a Star Wars kid, but I scored big. That’s another story.

I had the Battle Bunker and totally loved it, but it was missing something. That seemed more like an entrance to an underground lab for Mindbender or something. The Surveillance Port was something entirely different. THIS was an actual base. Something I imagined could be assembled on the spot by some B.A.T.s and Tele-Vipers. The computer screens that worked the radar dish really were hi-tech shit in 1986. Most homes didn’t have computers at all, so that part was magical. Computers were technology of the future, and I loved the screens.

The shape and odd angles just hit so hard when simply looking at it. It seemed tactical and really awesome. Having two weapons was just icing on the cake. You could have three figures engaged on the port and even more doing things around it. Just so damn awesome. Never mind the viewing window and shooting perfection.

My favorite part was the “legs,” or supports, that held up most of the port. This was a really incredible feature to me, and I used them in a particular way every time it went outside.

In my backyard, there was a 20-foot-long concrete walkway that stretched from the garage in the alley all the way to the steps at my back porch. It was sunken below grass level by about six inches, creating a perfect riverbed.

I would set up the side of the port with the legs on this riverbed and then position my hose “upstream” and crank that fucker full blast. If turned to the left just right, it would blast the water off one side and then flatten out into a perfect river flowing downstream and right under the elevated part of the Surveillance Port. It appeared as if it was River’s Edge Base, allowing the Night Landing to come up and down, allowing Firefly to move in silence into the best place to attack the Joes.

On the other side of the port was the bunker. This would rest up against the elevated flower bed that acted as the structure for Cobra’s Silent Castle. So the Surveillance Port was actually a checkpoint, but also a sort of FOB off the main building.

Scrap-Iron was always lingering in between with his missile station, ready to launch at the first whiff of the Joes.

Even after I got a Terrordrome later in life, the Surveillance Port was my go-to. The Terrordrome was heavy and didn’t go in and out of rooms easily, so the bunker/port combo was always at the ready, whether it was going outside or into the living room.

This little fucker is still a hair-raiser when I see it. It still hits like a freight train. I think that’s why I get down with the Fort Mod so much. It’s the closest thing I’ve gotten to a Surveillance Port, and it’s modular. But again, the navy blue, the computer, the weapons, the elevating legs, the radar dish, and also what it represented still hold water today. I am proud, baby, and I’m going to buy a 1:18-scale one because it means so much to me.

What did you think of the Surveillance Port?
Did you have one? Did it make your hairs stand on end, even as a kid? It did for me.